A guy goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a cricket ball stuck up my arse."
The doctor replies, "How's that?"
The man then says, "Don't you fucking start!"


Christianity, I don't buy it. 
A man that could turn water into wine could not be sober enough to make a lovely fish dinner for 5000 people.


Two old ladies meet up at the park, one says to the other one,
 "Did you come on the bus?" and the other says "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack!"

I recently purchased a book of Amazon.com entitled 'How to Have Absolutely Nothing to do with Your Neighbours',
Unfortunately I was out when it was delivered...


Midget jokes. Don't sink to their level..


I've got an inferiority complex, but it's not a very good one.



What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
Gagged.


Waking up, wrapping my hands around that nice hard round treasure, then putting my lips on it and feeling that warm wet liquid go down my throat. 
Its Coffee you pervs.


I went to the doctors yesterday about my premature ejaculation. 
I was sat in the waiting room for two hours! Then I realised I'd come too soon.

a guy knocked at my door today and asked me for a donation for their local swimming pool so i gave them a glass of water to start them off

My mate's wife ran off with a limbo dancer the other day. How low can you get?


What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts

I went to join the cue for the world domino championships but tripped and knocked over the guy in front of me. He then knocked over the guy in front him...

Snowmen: They fall from the sky.... 

With some assembly required.